14-year-old destroys neighbor's flower pots, mom makes him clean and replant everything to take accountability, but dad accuses her of going too far: ‘Making him do physical work was too embarassing’

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 16, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

It's wild to be an adult in the real world and realize that tons of people never, ever learned to take accountability for their actions. Maybe they were completely sheltered growing up, or maybe they were the golden child with a scapegoat sibling. Some people are just really good at finding literally anything else but themselves to blame for their actions – ADHD, tiredness, chronic pain, even astrology. I have a friend that won't leave her house for a girl's night if the stars aren't arbitrarily aligned. Girl, just say you don't want to go out! Not that most the aforementioned things cannot greatly affect a person, by the way. But in the end, your actions and decisions are your own, and you should learn to own them! 

I think that a lot of parents just focus on making their kids apologize, but they sort of skip over any sort of action that would teach their kid about taking accountability for their mistakes. That's not the case here, though. When this mom's teenage son vandalizes their neighbor's garden, she makes sure that he atones by replanting everything that he destroyed. By the end, he's learned an amazing lesson, but his dad doesn't really like the way responsibility looks on him. 

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  • 01

    AITA for making my son clean up the neighbor's yard after he vandalized it?

    Teenager gardening
    via FOTOGRAFIA INC. from Getty Images Signature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 02
    Last weekend, my (38F) son (14M) and his friends were playing basketball in our driveway. The ball
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  • 03
    accidentally went over the fence into our neighbor's yard, and instead of retrieving it properly, he kicked over
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  • 04
    some flower pots and left footprints all over their freshly raked lawn. I saw the damage when I walked outside.
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  • 05
    Broken flower pot on the ground with dirt and a yellow flower spilling out
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  • 06
    I called him over and asked him what happened. He shrugged and said, "It's not a big deal, they'll fix it." I told
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  • 07
    him it WAS a big deal. He had caused real damage and was responsible for fixing it. Later that day, I made him go over to the neighbor's house and
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  • 08
    apologize in person. Then, I made him spend a couple of hours helping them clean up the yard and replant the flowers he had knocked over.
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  • 09
    My husband (42M) thinks I went too far and that making him do physical work for someone else's property was
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  • 10
    too embarrassing and harsh. I argued that it wasn't about embarrassment, it was about accountability. The
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    neighbors were very appreciative and said they were glad he took responsibility rather than pretending nothing happened.
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  • 12
    I understand it might have been awkward for him, but I feel like he learned an important lesson about respecting other people's property and owning up to mistakes.
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  • 13
    Two neighbors talking over a short fence, on is pointing towards the distance
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 14
    ijustlikebeingnosy Your husband is the AH for thinking it's too harsh of a punishment.
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  • 15
    misty14_pretty Exactly! I don't get how teaching accountability is too harsh. If anything, it's way better he learned this now rather than thinking it's cool to just walk away from stuff like that.
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  • I would just absolutely love to know what the kid's grandparents (dad's parents) would make of this situation. I wonder if it would give us more insight as to why dad could possibly think this was anything less than stellar parenting. 

  • 16
    paulD1983R Because the husband is an irresponsible lazy a h le
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  • 17
    chinmakes5 OMG, you made my son do a couple of hours of physical activity? AND MADE HIM DO IT WHERE PEOPLE COULD SEE?!?! What a monster you are/s.
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  • 18
    Unfair_Feedback_2531 With a mother like that the son might grow up to be a responsible adult... unlike his father.
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  • 19
    sezit OMG, what a gift you gave your son! These neighbors are future references, people who will help find jobs for him, and help in an emergency. Once people see that a
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  • 20
    kid is responsible and respectful, they will bend over backwards to help him in his future. Your husband is a dum-dum. NTA.
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  • This boy has absolutely no idea at this point in time how lucky he is to have a mother like this. Hopefully, he will come to appreciate her in the future!

  • 21
    sisu-sedulous Fantastic parenting
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  • 22
    Mother and son pose for a photo in front of a gray background
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 23
    Chubby-Labrador Yes, great job OP. You didn't sweep his behavior under the rug like your husband wanted to do. Hopefully he learned a valuable lesson. You're a great parent, keep doing what you're doing.
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  • 24
    Ok_Childhood_9774 NTA. You handled it exactly correctly, and I'd keep an eye on your husband's willingness to overlook bad behavior because there will probably be more of it coming as he gets older.
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  • 25
    Agoraphobe961 NTA. That was a perfect punishment for the crime, your husband is an idiot.
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  • 26
    UpperAd5834 So your husband is the a-h e for trying to undermine your parenting. You did the right thing. He is willing to teach his kid he can do whatever with no consequences
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  • 27
    CorgiManDan Your husband is an idiot. You, on the other hand, are a wonderful neighbor.
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  • 28
    Your husband against your son doing physical work, but is totally fine with your son making the neighbors do the physical work son caused?
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family drama neighbors married with children neighborhood mother teenagers parenting raising teens couples dad family Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents
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